Hmmm...

2010-09-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

This reservoir it aches. It flows.
It swells. Though hidden deep it shows
These drops cascade across my cheek
Tears not from worn heart, cold, or bleak

Winter storms stir tides with fury
Waves spill o'er their banks in hurry
My heart stirred brims banks and cries
Tears of love for you wet these eyes

"...but I do like it"

2010-03-12T15:26:00.000-08:00

No vast profession. Simple words

Obtained without request

Offered up with factual smile

Admitting hope none had as yet

2010-03-12T08:00:00.001-08:00

Even unsure of the future
Here and now it all has changed
Things long past I thought I'd lost
He's brought them back in me again

Years ago I had it figured
Knew all that I needed to
But Your grace knew what I didn't
And You knew that I need You

Never bootstraps or a floging
Something stronger inner man
Foreign body in me bending
Wrought iron will with gentle hand

New things growing don't belong here
Old stuff always gray and marred
This is something quite alarming
New heart where one once was hard

Truth occuring freshly to me
Truth that always was the same
Lame once but I now am running
Wild once but now I am tamed

Thinking now with pure intention
Once thought only sordid filth
Mind is free to see new glory
Gone my heavy weight of guilt

Steadfast hope of perfect ending
Gone my streak of dead end paths
Leave this earth the day He calls me
With my Savior home at last

Unknown the Depths of Man's Soul Rot

2010-03-09T23:09:00.001-08:00

Unknown the depths of man's soul rot
He sees the surface only. Not
The reaches can he plumb and find
There dwells no good in heart or mind

Would that the pious man could see
In truth his need and call to Thee
For man his set stain cannot touch
So Thou, pure Son for man was crushed

Part 1

2010-01-10T13:28:00.001-08:00

Fight the pull of rushing stream.
Feel the gaze of woolen wolves
Drawn by stench of rotting flesh
Beneath my fleece. My teeth
Concealed with flapping gums.
Numb I wake to find
I feed upon myself.

Questions

2009-03-16T01:51:00.001-07:00

Ever feel like you've got to break the mold, but you're not sure what that's got to look like? Ever wonder if you're caught between what you think you'd like to be doing to serve the Lord, and what you probably should be doing? Ever wonder if that's a false dichotomy? Ever feel like rebelling against almost everything that the organized church (intentionally lower-cased 'c') is and does? Ever wonder if you're just rebellious at heart? Ever wonder if you'll stop being so shallow, and have real, meaningful relationships? Ever wonder if it's possible to speak of nothing entertainment related for once? Ever get sick of entertainment usurping art's place in society? Ever think that what was intended to give eyesight, fresh air, and wings to the soul now seems to give only cataracts, smog, and chains? Ever wonder when you'll ever start living how you should -- how you long to, even? Ever feel like I do?

A Normal Family

2009-01-19T09:46:00.000-08:00

After looking at a few family pictures, a friend of mine said something like, "are there any pictures of your family looking normal?" I replied, "yeah sure there are," and showed him this picture.

"Here's a nor... oh. Maybe there aren't."

Actually, I think the 4 of us may be the abnormal ones in this picture.

You know, as I type this, I'm thinking that it may have been my mom who said we don't have any normal pictures of us.

This was taken by some other random tourist at Sea World durring our family trip this Dec to Cali. I think it will be logged in my memory as one of the funnest (I know it's not a word, ok?) things I've ever done.

By the way, here's another normal pic:

Beautiful

2008-12-23T10:53:00.000-08:00

When I was little, my mom used to buy me Zoobooks on occasion, and I fell in love with the Big Cats. I caught this guy waking up from a nap in the sunshine at the SanDiego Zoo. Black Panthers are actually Leopards, and their spots are still faintly visible up close. This guy was a lot more well-behaved than I would be if I woke up from a nap with half a dozen people starin' at me from three feet away.

Simple Things

2008-12-22T21:20:00.000-08:00

Here's to a few simple things in life:

Chopsticks

Like I need eating to be more enjoyable, right? This makes it downright fun! It may be a little messy sometimes, but I guess that's why the guy teaching you how to eat with chopsticks on the special features in KungFu Panda mentioned that food to be eaten with chopsticks is usually cut into smaller pieces! Chicken fingers don't aparently fall into that category, but I try anyway.

Dr Pepper

Established in 1885. If I knew how good it was then, I would have no teeth left. Maybe that's why I'm blogging. Maybe I don't have teeth and you just don't know!

Movies made in 1962

-The Miracle Worker

-To Kill a Mockingbird

These two may just be my very favorites, and they happened to come out the very same year. Huh.

Grateful

2008-12-22T21:18:00.000-08:00

Thank you, Lord, for friends who have seen me through the times when I'm selfish and stupid and not any fun to be around, and they still love me, and seem to act like I was never gone.

Thanks for the people who inspire me: The ones who I tried to avoid because I knew my heart wasn't right, and didn't want to be reminded by the light in their face and the truth in the sound of their voice.

Thank you for reminding me that its not over yet.

Missing Person

2008-12-20T23:57:00.000-08:00

(mws lyrics)

Guarded and cynical now

Cant help but wondering how

My heart evolved into a

Rock beating inside of me

So I reel, such a stoic ordeal

Wheres that feeling that I dont feel?

Under a lavender moon

So many thoughts consume me

Who dimmed that glowing light

That once burned so bright in me

Is this a radical phase

A problematical age

That keeps me running

From all that I used to be?

Is there a way to return

Is there a way to unlearn

That carnal knowledge

Thats chipping away at my soul

Ive been gone too long

Will I ever find my way home?

There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain

And like a child he would believe without a reason

Without a trace he disappeared into the void and

Ive been searching for that missing person

He used to want to try to walk the straight and narrow

He had a fire and he could feel it in the marrow

Its been a long time and I havent seen him lately but

Ive been searching for that missing person

Drought

2008-10-29T22:51:00.001-07:00

Is that how you spell it? Anyway... there has been a definite drought of blog posting here lately. I think I shall remedy that.

Stay Strong

2008-09-23T17:29:00.000-07:00

You're in the moment now
A bitter root
A wandering eye and then
The ties that bind start wearing thin, thin

You're in the moment now
When all you've been blessed with
Is not enoughHere's where the ground gets loose
Here's where the devils call your bluff

Stay strong
You are not lost
Come on and fix your eyes ahead
There's a new dawn to light our day, our day
You've gotta stay strong
You and I run
For the prize that lies ahead
We've come too far to lose our way, our way

We've seen the tragic flaws
The tortured souls
The saints with feet of clay
Here's where sin becomes cliche'

We've come through wilderness and watched
The cloud by day
The burning sky into dawn
Have you forgotten who you are?
Did you forget whose trip you're on?

Stay strong
You are not lost
Come on and fix your eyes ahead
There's a new dawn to light our day, our day
We've gotta stay strong
You and I run
For the prize that lies ahead
We've come too far to lose our way, our way

Get up, there's further to go
Get up, there's more to be done
Get up, this witness is sure
Get up, this race can be won
This race can be won

We've gotta stay strong
You are not lost
Come on and fix your eyes ahead
Our Father's dawn will light our day, our day
Come on and stay strong
His grip is sure
And His patience still endures
There'll be no letting go today, no way

Come on, and stay strong
You and I run
For the prize that lies ahead
We've come too far to lose our way, our way

-Newsboys

Security

2008-09-22T23:09:00.000-07:00

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

Psalm 139:17-18

When I awake,
I am still with you.

When I awake,

I am still with you.

...still with you.

...with you.

Noah's Ark

2008-09-22T12:44:00.000-07:00

Working Replica of Noah's Ark Opens in Schagen, Netherlands
http://www.pbase.com/paulthedane/noahs_ark
http://www.arkvannoach.com/language/en/

The massive central door in the side of Noah's Ark was thrown open Saturday for the first crowd of curious Pilgrims and townsfolk to behold the wonder. Of course, it's only a replica of the biblical Ark , built by Dutch Creationist Johan Huibers as a testament to his faith in the literal truth of the Bible.
The ark is 150 cubits long, 30 cubits high and 20 cubits wide. That's two-thirds the length of a football field and as high as a three-story house. Life-size models of giraffes, elephants, lions, crocodiles, zebras, bison and other animals greet visitors as they arrive in the main hold. A contractor by trade, Huibers built the ark of cedar and pine - Biblical Scholars debate exactly what the wood used by Noah would have been.
Huibers did the work mostly with his own hands, using modern tools and with occasional help from his son Roy. Construction began in May 2005. On the uncovered top deck - not quite ready in time for the opening - will come a petting zoo, with baby lambs and chickens, and goats, and one camel.
Visitors on the first day were stunned. 'It's past comprehension, ' said Mary Louise Starosciak, who happened to be bicycling by with her husband while on vacation when they saw The ark looming over the local landscape. 'I knew the story of Noah, but I had no idea the boat would have been so big.' There is enough space near the keel for a 50-seat film theater where kids can watch a video that tells the story of Noah and his ark.
Huibers said he hopes the project will renew interest in Christianity in the Netherlands , where church going has fallen dramatically in the past 50 years.

Now that I am old and gray...
give me the time to tell this new generation
(and their children too) about all your mighty miracles.
Psalm 71:18

Random pic of the day

2008-09-22T12:09:00.000-07:00

This is close to my favorite pic I've ever taken. Seattle on the way to a Mariners game several years ago.

Short Story: One Way Street

2008-09-21T23:56:00.000-07:00

Noisy, crowded streets. Honking. People chattering. I glance up at the tall buildings all around. The sun beats down around their shaddows, heating the sidewalk and my already sweaty dark hair. The oncoming crowd in front of me continues, but my attention is drawn away, and the noise seems muffled. I bump into another over-heated commuter. "Oh... Sorry," I say. In my mind's eye, or in my heart - wherever deep calls to deep - the faint tug continues. I sigh, and with contentment on my face, I remember His deep love, His compassion, and His great mercy shown to me. "Thank you, Lord," I whisper. It's then that I begin to see what I didn't before. The people around me, still just as close as before, don't seem in my way now. In fact, I sort of wish someone would slow down enough to maybe see in my eyes or hear in my voice the awesomeness of His love that stooped to reach me.
I see a street preacher across four lanes of one-way traffic, standing on a plastic "Darigold" crate. Instead of my insides twisting with anxiety, and my eyes looking around nervously (or rolling judgementally), the passion on His face now rises in my heart. I pray for him instead of thinking that he must be crazy like I did last week.
Then past the men and women with briefcases, bluetooths, and buisness-suits, I notice a man with a grimace on his tired, stubbled face; a dark, round woman with worry in her eyes, and her child hand in hand; a tall, athletic-looking young man with pride in his step. Each of these stirs compassion as I wonder where they're going and where they've been. Who are they? I mean, who are they really, and what goes through their minds when there's no one there to save face for. The compassion is followed by sharp hoplessness as I consider the mystery of my own salvation, and the too-often hardened state of even my own heart. "How do they come, Lord?" I wonder. I think about His longsuffering. I think about the incongruency between His laid-down life and poured-out blood, and our self-serving hearts, and ungreatful rebelion. My eyes become damp, and my countenance determined. The cry of long-expired, set-apart men echo in my head, "May the Lamb who was slain receive the reward of His suffering!"
I start awake to the beep of the microwave in the lunchroom. "Hey, Derek," my co-worker says with a grin, "naptime is after work. Lunch is over in four minutes." I look him in the eyes, my face betraying something of the force of my dream. With a smile now and a raised eyebrow he says, "You OK? 'Look kinda startled." I hesitate before smiling too, "yeah." I stand from my seat and throw away my trash from lunch. "Jer," I begin as we walk back to our workstations, "you ever think about what we're doing here?" I pause and turn my head toward him, "Or what happens next?"

What do I give them?

2008-09-21T22:28:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking lately. Here's a sample of what got my wheels turning:

(The Lord) who executes justice for the oppressed,
who gives food to the hungry.
The Lord sets the prisoners free;
the Lord opens the eyes of the blind.
The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down;
the Lord loves the righteous.
The Lord watches over the sojourners;
He upholds the widow and the fatherless..

- Psalm 146:7-9

Their greatest need is Jesus: The Good News. That's what I think of when I see the hopeless, starving faces or the neglected, hyperactive ones, or the old, lonely ones. "They don't need food or water or attention or companionship or even love nearly so much as they need the Good News! "...Not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance."
But when I read verses like the above, I wonder if I don't have the whole picture. I've been told that our business as the Church is the preaching of the Gospel, not social change, and I agree. Doesn't this verse and several others show us the compassionate heart of God? I've stopped beside the road to help someone just because they looked like they needed help, and didn't have anyone to help them. Why not social issues? Ugh, maybe the name is the problem. They're people! People who have need! I'm not going to stop preaching the Good News - I'm commanded to do it, aren't I? But am I not also commanded to feed my enemy if he's hungry, and give him something to drink if he's hungry? And thats my enemy. Isn't true, pure religion before God to take care of those who have no one else to take care of and look out for them (orphans and widows 'contextualized and expanded version' lol)?
What about, "the least of these." You know:
"When did we see you hungry, Jesus? Or thirsty...?"
"When you didn't do it for the least of these, you didn't do it for Me."
I know there are contextual issues to be raised here, but even without this passage...
"Do good to all men," Paul said, "especially the household of faith." Not, only the household... especially, he said. I guess a place to start is with other believers, though. The early church sold everything they had and laid it all at the apostles feet. It was like pre-conceptual communism without the fascist dictator! The church had a benevolent, self-giving one instead! Sorry, rabbit trail.
Goodness, I'm selfish. "Help me Lord! I don't want to be like this. Let me see with unclouded eyes, and think without distraction. I want to feel the motivation of gratitude toward You, and the compulsion of love - Your love, but in my heart... hmmm... maybe it's my love too - for those around me."

What am I doing here?!

2008-09-21T22:27:00.000-07:00

Ever think about what we're doing here? You know when something scary happens, like someonw you love is hurt badly, and everything sort of slows down a little and the unimportant things seem to disappear? Or you hear of people getting stuck in an elevator, or even someone who survived the twin towers, and they remember that they couldn't stop thinking of their family, or that there was someone they needed to say something to before they died.
Why don't I think more like that all the time? My purpose is to live and speak the Good News that has transformed my life; to make known the One who bought me out of a hopeless situation with a horrible end. Delirious has a lyric, "Keep my feet on the ground and my head in the sky." Jesus was so here, but not touched by the things that distract us here. I refuse to believe it's impossible for me to live that way as well.

His Purpose

2008-09-21T21:52:00.000-07:00

The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me;
Your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.

- Ps 138:8

Fun Times

2008-09-18T23:38:00.000-07:00

Here's me and my bro and a few of my cousins at a Mariners game this year. I think we won, but either way, it was fun.

oops

2008-09-18T22:50:00.000-07:00

By the way, in case anyone was wondering... if you dump a cake mix on someone while they are trying to take a shower, they get kind of mad. At least so far one out of one victims agree that this is the case. He denies that he was angry, but he didn't sound happy. Oops

I Remember

2008-09-18T21:55:00.000-07:00

"They shall eagerly utter the memory of Your abundant goodness And will shout joyfully of Your righteousness."

- Ps 154:7

I LOVE this whole psalm, but this part has been on my mind for a few days. I've begun remembering the first few years that the Lord became really real and intimate to me - things I had either forgotten or decided not to think about because realizing how far I had fallen backward depressed me.But now, the memory of His great goodness warms my heart again and the desire rises in it. I remember, Lord. Some have said that first love is the greatest, but I say first love recaptured could be the greatest yet.

Hope

2008-09-10T23:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was having a bad day. Temptations abounded, and everything seemed like it was just not going my way. I took a shot or two to my pride as well, which is always good, but never feels like it. I was tired and frustrated, and usually when that happens and work has just ended for the day, I end up doing something stupid or wasting a bunch time, and things just get worse. Fortunately, this time I payed attention to the faint, yet clear, pull toward where I knew the answer was. So, when the full time job was over, and the part time one hadn't started yet, I read this:

He delighteth not in the strength of the horse;
He taketh not pleasure in the legs of man.
The Lord taketh pleasure in them that fear Him,
in those that hope in His mercy.
-Psalm 147:10-11 (kjv)

Hope sometimes sounds like an "I doubt it, but maybe." Like a shot from half-court: I've seen it happen before, and I've even done it before, but it's not likely. No, not this hope. This hope is more like walking through a bright field of golden-colored wheat that stretches on in front of me. I can feel the breeze, and see it gently wave the grain like rolling swells in the ocean. I can't see where the field ends, but it is inviting. There is warmth in the air and the glow of the sun on the fields. I know He is there. It's like the feeling I have when the clouds cover the whole sky - like a kind of pressure that isn't really there: "Your love hems me in both behind and before," or "I look behind me and you're there, then up ahead and you're there, too— your reassuring presence, coming and going (Psalm 137 The Message)." The way ahead is still unsure, but it's bright, and the thought of what may be there brings a smile to my face. That's hope: He has something great ahead. Hold on, though. This is not just hope in something. Jim Elliot said, "God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with him." When I pin my hope on the specifics, instead of Him, I'll almost surely be disappointed. Besides, my imagination takes off, and there's no way anything could turn out as exciting as what has happened to me in the future... in my head. Aha! I hear a pirate or someone saying, "So says you!" I think I'll leave the specifics to the One who promised that "All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose." (I think "...for good to those..." is a bad translation.) What if it gets kinda scary looking, though? - you know, fire-swamp scary: sinking sand and giant rodents and fire belching from the earth? F.W. Faber said this:

Ill that He blesses is our good,
And unblessed good is ill;
And all is right that seems most wrong
If it be His sweet will.

Lord, I'm hoping in Your mercy.

Who would do such a thing?

2008-09-09T21:36:00.001-07:00

Monday, after TFC and DQ, I decided I should get some groceries. Several fun-loving people joined me. Look at the terrible thing we found! Who would do this? I mean, they only cost about 50 cents! I thought about buying it, but thought again.

Fun cousin stuff from this summer

2008-09-07T01:26:00.000-07:00

So, I love to jump over stuff. *Peter, Kyle, and Steven cheer* I don't know what time we decided to do this, but, remember, "sleep when you're dead." First, here's me with my awesome cousins Tommy and Eric:

Now, for some jumping...

Ok, I lied. That's me getting squashed. Pretty soon there were about 4 of them on me, but lets get back to the jumping. Super-Hero jump poses:
Setting up for what seems like a really high jump until you watch the high jump in the olympics, or anywhere else, I'm sure:

Eric clears the chairs!

Tommy clears the chairs with style:Yep, I got over too:Here's Micah, me, Eric, and Tommy. Good times.

A quote for the ages

2008-09-07T01:08:00.000-07:00

"You can sleep when you're dead!"

"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." ...or perhaps the beginning of one.

2008-09-06T23:41:00.000-07:00

And so begins a blog. May the Lord be pleased with all that is written and displayed here. May your minds be spurred, your hearts pricked, your souls stirred, and your faces nearly crack from smiling. May you be challenged to run like this guy, and may we not let up like this guy. This isn't for some olympic medal: we're running for something greater. "May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering."